You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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