please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
