Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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