okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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