If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
