He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
