Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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