there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
