I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
