idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
