it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
