I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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