I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
