I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
