i think my tv is drunk
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize