I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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