i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
