I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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