the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
