K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
