how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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