I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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