worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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