i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize