i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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