If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
