Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
