so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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