can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
