i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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