she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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