i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we're making bets on your personal life
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
