Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
