how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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