dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ok first of all what the fuck
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
