it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
