You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
