these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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