Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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