He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
