Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
