There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
