There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
false alarm. still invincible.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
