Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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