Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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