i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
