reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
