Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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