A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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