I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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