the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
