Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everclear isn't food dammit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
