hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
