just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
