I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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