Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
