what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
