i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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