I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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