i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
