JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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