when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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