I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
