What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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