Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize