Got a toothbrush?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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