i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
