Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
