god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
